Losing my mom changed everything. It’s a type of heartbreak that I don't think we can ever really prepare for.. even if we know it's coming. Grief has taken so much from me, but it has also taught me so much about life, about love and about what truly matters.
LIFE IS FRAGILE
Never in a million years did I think that my beautiful and so full of life mother would be diagnosed with a terminal cancer and pass away at 48 years old. She had so much life left to live and she fought so hard. Even after all of these years, it is still so hard for me to believe that someone can be here one second and then gone the next.
LOVE NEVER REALLY DIES
Although she is no longer physically here, my love for her remains so strong. Death can never destroy the bond we had and I will continue to love her for the rest of my life.. and I know that where ever she may be, she is loving me, too.
I AM SO MUCH STRONGER THAN I EVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE
My world stopped the day my mom died. Time stood still for so long and I couldn't figure out how I would carry on with this new life without her. I felt as though I would never be able to.. but somehow I did and I think I can credit her for the strength she always showed and the courage she instilled in me.
IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS I MISS THE MOST
The holidays, the birthdays, the big milestones that she is not here for.. those are all so hard and sad but what I really miss are the morning phone calls with her on my drive to work, the way she always worried about me and checked in, the cooking our favorite meals together, the shopping trips, the things only we thought were funny.. all those little things... they were big things to me.
SHE IS SO MUCH A PART OF ME
I see her in myself when I look into the mirror. The things she taught me have become a part of who I am and I would never be me without her. She is still very much a part of me and always will be.
IT'S OKAY TO STILL NEED HER
I was 24 when my mom died.. I am now 35 and I don't think the want or need for our moms ever really go away. There are so many things I wish I could ask her, so much advice I wish she could give. I will always still need her here..no matter how old I get or how much time passes.
GRIEF IS FOREVER
Grief isn't something we just get over. We don't wake up one day with our hearts fully healed and just move on. We more forward with it. We learn to carry it. It may change it's shape and look different over time.. but it never really ends.
IT'S OKAY TO FEEL HAPPINESS AGAIN
Grief and happiness can and will co-exist...and that is okay. After my mom passed away, I remember feeling guilty when I laughed or when I smiled, or when I felt the slightest ounce of joy. If she can't be here to do all those things, why should I be able to? But she would want me to be happy. She told me this before she died. She knew losing her would crush me and she wanted to make sure I knew that it was okay to live a happy life.. and just because I do, does not mean that I love or miss her any less.
These things I have learned on my grief journey don’t take away the sadness of missing her or the wishing she were here, but they do help me carry my grief with with a little more grace, a little more understanding, and a lot more love.
She will forever be a part of me and I will forever be a part of her...and that, in itself, is a gift that some people never get at all.
"Everything I have learned on my grief journey has shaped me into the person I am today. Grief is hard. Grief is complicated. Grief is something that I will carry with me for the rest of my life... but so is her love and I will forever be grateful for that."
-Jenna Lowthert, Daughter Of An Angel
'The Weight Of What's Gone; Words & Thoughts From a Grieving Heart'