It's been over ten years since I lost my mother. She was just 48 years old when she lost her battle with lung cancer. Through the heartache and sadness of having to navigate this life without her, grief has taught me so much.
Even Too Much Love Is Never Enough
My mom was already stage four when she was diagnosed with cancer. Deep down I knew that the chances of her beating it were slim but I still fought like hell to save her life and I would do it all over again if I had the chance. I was so desperate in those moments, so afraid to lose her and so sad for all I knew she would miss. No matter how much love I gave, no matter how hard I fought..it was never enough to save her life.
The Resilience Has Always Been Inside Of Me
Grief teaches us that we possess an inner strength that we might not have known existed. It shows us that we can endure and persevere even in the face of tremendous pain and loss. I always say that we somehow find a way to live creatively with our bruised and broken heart.
Time Is Such A Thief
Time is such a thief when you're grieving. It steals so many moments and memories that we never got the chance to make. Grief has a strange way of trying to make us feel like we losing our connection with them as the days, months, and years go on. Through my own grief I have learned how essential it is to still talk about them, even years later. This is how we keep them alive.
Looking Back On The What-Ifs Will Destroy you
Sometimes I catch myself drifting back to the days leading up to my moms death. There are always so many things I feel I could have done differently. What if I had gotten my mom to a different hospital? What if I had found a better lung cancer specialist earlier? What if I had asked more questions? There are so many what-ifs. but over time I have learned accept her loss for what it was and I choose to put that energy into honoring her life in the best way I know how.
Grief Never Ends
My grief will never go away. Not now, not in 20 years..not ever. And in a way I don't want it to. Grieving the loss of my mother has become such a big part of who I am. Feeling all of these feelings is what keeps her alive in my heart and fuels me to continue on living my life in a way that would make her proud.
Grief never ends but it does change. We all grow around our grief in our own ways and I think we all have something to learn as we walk on our journey of grief.
