When we lose somebody we love so much, we often look back and wish we had told them so much more than we actually did. After losing my mother, so many thoughts have popped into my mind over all of my years spent without her… so many thoughts I hope she knew.
1. I hope she knew how hard I fought to save her life.
Although she had a terminal illness at the young age of 48, I still never gave up on hope.
The minute my mom was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer, I researched anything and everything I could that would help her.
The last week of her life I tried everything I could to SAVE her, even if it was only for a few more days. Time just wasn’t on my side, but I hope she knew I tried with all my might.
2. I hope she knew that she taught me what unconditional love truly is.
The love she had for me and my sister was truly unconditional. She was the kind of person who would do anything for anybody. She taught me the true meaning of the word family. She loved me until her very last breath, but I hope she knew I knew that.
3. I hope she knew that in my eyes there was nobody in this world above her.
My mom was so cool. The “Fun??? mom. The life of the party. She brought so much energy wherever she went. She taught me how to dance, she taught me how to be myself, and she taught me how to go out there and get what I want.
There are few people in this world that I will ever hold above her, and I hope she knew.
4. I hope she knew that I was sorry.
Sorry for all the torture I put her through as I went through my teenage years. Sorry for all the bad things I said to her out of anger. Sorry for not being the best daughter I could be. I am sorry mom, and I hope you knew that.
5. I hope she knew how much laughter she brought into my life.
My mother was hilarious. She would say and do the funniest things. I was recently looking back at old Facebook posts of hers and I came across something she had posted “If you think no one cares if you’re alive, try missing a few credit card payments." I saw that and instantly started laughing. Where did she come up with this stuff?
She still continues to make me laugh even after she is gone, I hope she knew she would.
6. I hope she knew how much she would be missed.
When you are confronted with the horrible news that you have terminal stage four lung CANCER at 48 years old, I guess you pretty much prepare for the worst.
I think in the back of my mom’s mind she knew she wouldn’t make it past a year, and she was, in fact, right. After her ten month battle, she gained her angel wings and flew away from this world, leaving behind two daughters and a loving husband, along with so many others who loved her.
Did she know how much I would miss her? I hope she knew.
7. I hope she knew that because of her I would never settle for less than I deserve.
My mom was a go-getter. She took everything she wanted with a smile. She was always kind to others but did not put up with anybody’s shit. Because of her, I will never again settle for any type of relationship, whether it be a friendship or a romantic relationship. She opened up my eyes to all that I deserve. I hope she knew.
8. I hope she knew that she would continue to inspire long after she’s gone.
During her entire battle with Lung Cancer, my mom remained so positive. She would post an inspirational saying each and every morning on Facebook. The amount of love, support, and prayers she received was endless. She inspired so many, and I will never stop sharing her story. She made a mark on this world, I hope she knew.
9. I hope she knew that all I would become after she passed away, is owed to her
After the heartbreak of my mom’s passing, so much good entered my life. I found my passion in writing. I wrote a book about her journey with cancer, I started a grief blog, and have done so much more to honor her memory. I’d like to think all of the blessings that have come my way over the past 10 years were sent from heaven from her. I took everything bad and turned it into something amazing, I hope she knew I would.
10. I hope she knew that although I would miss her tremendously, I would be okay.
My mom was a worry wart. Constantly checking up on me, even at 24 years old, to see where I was, what I was doing, if I had my seat belt on, if I needed food, etc. I guess that’s just what moms do. I truly hope she knew that because of all she has taught me, I would be okay after her passing. I hope she knew that I would go on and try to live the happiest life I could. It’s all because of her that I am okay, I hope she knew that.
11. I hope she heard me tell her I love her just seconds before she took her last breath.
May 27th, 2013 at 11:53 pm. It was the day I was called back to the hospital because my mom’s heart rate was sky high. I knew she was sick, but never in a million years did I think that would be the last time I would see her, hold her hand, or tell her I love her ever again. Seconds before my mom’s heart gave up, I grabbed her ice cold hand, in the panic-filled medical ICU room, and told her I loved her. I hope she heard me.
12. I hope she knew that it was her that made me fully understand the meaning of the word HOPE
I will never, ever forget that day, July 19th, 2012. The day my mother sat me down and the words poured out of her mouth… “Jenna, I have stage four lung cancer that has spread to my lymph nodes and bones, but I will be OKAY I promise you, I will never give up, I have so much hope" She said. She held onto that very same hope throughout her entire battle and I hope she knew she taught me what HOPE truly is.
I loved…and still love her so much, I hope she somehow knows.