5 Things Grief Has Taught Me

5 Things Grief Has Taught Me


I’m not talking about the kind of heartbreak you feel after a break up, I am talking about that gut wrenching, soul crushing pain that you can actually feel in your chest.  When someone you love dies a little piece of our hearts die with them and I don’t think the pieces are ever fully put back together but yet we still find a way to live with our heartbreak.


We see all those websites and books that are supposed to tell us how to heal from our grief but everyone’s grief is different. There is no roadmap for this journey. It takes time to work through the pain and it doesn’t just magically go away, we don’t wake up one day and say to ourselves “my grief is gone.” On the back cover of my book “Life Still Goes On” I mention that nobody can tell you how to grieve, there is no right or wrong way and words although they sometimes help, may never be enough. Take your time, grieve on your own terms. Grief stays with us forever but it is up to you how you are going to work through it.


Oh the memories, they flood through my mind all the time. The good memories are more so from before my mom was diagnosed with cancer but I will literally NEVER forget the last few days of her life. We shared laughs, cries, and all different types of emotions but the memory I will be forever grateful for occurred just minutes before she died. I knew something was wrong, she was rushed to the Medical ICU where her heart rate was sky high and her blood pressure was dangerously low. My heart was beating out of my chest, I grabbed her hand, looked her right in the eyes and my last words to her were “I love you so much”. She looked at me, squeezed my hand and shook her head yes. She didn’t have to say a word, I knew how much she loved me. In that moment I realized that I have received more love from her in my 24 years with her than some will ever receive in a lifetime.


You never know how strong you are until you have to be.  Before my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I never knew that I could make it through all of the things I had to witness while she was sick.  I remember the day that she told me that she may have lung cancer, I said “if you do in fact have lung cancer, I don’t think I want to live anymore.”  I couldn’t imagine life without my vibrant, young, beautiful mother. I didn’t even want to prepare myself for the horrible things that were ahead for us but it was in that moment that I realized that I have to be strong for her.  She was the one who was going through this and somehow I felt that it was affecting me more than her, but it wasn’t.  She just didn’t show her pain because she was more worried about how it would make her family feel.  I remember when she was sick, I would picture what my life would be like without her and I would get so angry.  Anger doesn’t get us anywhere. After losing her, I remembered the strength that she had through so many painful nights in the hospital and I think, in a way, that is where my strength comes from.


My mom always said that life goes on and after losing her I quickly learned that no truer words have ever been spoken.  As much as I wanted the world to stop after she died, it didn’t.  Time moves so fast and we find ourselves years later still living without that person physically here.  We look back and wonder how the heck we’ve made it this far.  Time stops for no one and nor will it ever so we might as well make the best of it while we are here.
Back to blog